1. I am sorry but I can't subscribe to his theory that some are just not meant to conceive. To me that is the whole "god intended some people to have one thing and not another" ask him why did nature let the woman who lived in St Albans conceive four children and beat her three year old daughter so badly she is basically a vegetable allowed to conceive and you & I can't?

    The flip side of that argument and one you don't want to go down is what if you aren't meant to conceive with him. Without going on a whole tirade and rant I find that view so narrow minded and selfish. Are cancer patients supposed to die or are we allowed to treat them with science?

    It can be used as the basis for the same argument. It seems to me that he needs counselling and support to overcome his issues in being the problem half of the infertility relationship. At the end of the day to put it simply, stuff happens - we don't know if something happened to him when he was a child. Having low sperm count does not = genetic disorder. Unless you have obvious chromosomal issues which both of you can rule out via simple blood tests I really don't think you require PGD with your IVF. I know of three women personally that have used ICSI to overcome sperm issues and I can tell you hand on my heart that there is not a single thing wrong with their daughter. Using that excuse is just a cop out. IVF isn't as scary or expensive as people make out - it just isn't. You could be one the lucky ones that conceive first go. You just don't know.

    There is nothing wrong with what he has, it is just that he doesn't have a lot.

    Sorry, I don't mean to tirade but that argument makes my blood boil. I just don't agree with it. You deserve to be a mother. Simple as that.

  2. Well I was going to write my thoughts down, but Chon said exactly what im thinking and then some. Im sorry but I also dont buy into the whole "nature is trying to tell you something" Sometimes people are dealt a bad hand in life and thank goodness our medical profession is so high tech and wonderful now. I also agree that you definitely deserve your shot at being a mother!

  3. Oops one more thing, alcohol and tobacco are huge issues for lower sperm count. That doesnt have anything to do with nature. Great job on husband quitting btw. I have quit for almost 3 years now!

  4. Wow, my husband and I had a similar discussion last night. Basically, this is how I see it...If "nature" does not want you to have a baby...then you won't have a baby no matter what you do. But, you've got to try! "Nature" is telling you that you just need a little bit of help and she started by finding that cyst. You want a baby. Sounds to me that your hubby is scared. He's scared that if the IVF fails he will blame himself. He is taking his low sperm count like he completely did it to himself, knowingly. But he didn't. And now that he knows, he can try to boost it. Don't know much about PGD but I'm sure your RE would advise wisely.

    p.s. your hair looks great off your face too!

  5. First of all, check out Blondie's blog. She's knows about PGD: http://thisblondiewantsbabies.blogspot.com/

    When I first realized there was a problem with getting pregnant, I had the same "maybe I'm not meant to be a mother." It broke my heart but I figured it was just a sign. I don't believe in god or anything, but I figured my body knew best.

    Then I expressed this concern to a male friend of mine. He asked, if you had a bad back or cancer, would you just let those medical problems alone to fester and be on their own? Well, no, I said.

    I expressed the same concern to a girlfriend who was just beginning IVF (last March). She wrote me a very articulate email about that thought basically being BULLSHIT and it's easier to fall back on because the thought of not being a mother is terrifying. But medicine is out there and we use it for so much, so why not use it for fertility and infertility?

    Perhaps your husband is just scared of the outcome. Mine was for a long time. Still is, for sure, but he recognizes it now so it makes for an easier conversation.

    Also, my doc told me that male sperm changes every 3 months. It's not like a permanent problem. Maybe if he cuts down on alcohol and starts taking a vitamin, he'll see a positive swing and feel good about it. Also, if he's serious about making a family with you, and he's got sperm problems, and alcohol is linked to sperm problems, then ...

    I wish you the best with all of this.

  6. Too often, more often than not really, I have people tell me that I'm not meant to have children if I haven't gotten them yet. Apparently when I was diagnosed with sever PCOS and then when my husband was told he has low sperm count and motility that should have been a sign to us that we're not meant to be parents. You know, the Gods are against. Crap like that. I choose to ignore it, but it hurts that people say such mean things.

  7. I agree with ALL of your comments. I have no doubt that Hubby is scared out of his mind, and (without him actually looking into this further himself) he is using theories like this as one way of expressing his fear.

    And Chon, I do go through many moments where I wonder if we are meant to start a family together... Perhaps it is all too much for him and I might need to move on. I guess I'm totally clouded by love for him, and a hope that we will at least attempt to start a family. I cannot imagine a future with anyone else. I don't want to. Whatever happens, I know that I've given it my very best.

    I'll check out Blondie's blog too. I also just wanted to add how amazing it is to have found so many ladies who know EXACTLY where I'm coming from. None of us are willing to stand by and let nature defeat our dreams. I find so much strength from all of you who can articulate things so well.

  8. Hi - just popping by to say that I think we are all meant to have children. That's why we are built with the reproductive organs we have. We are supposed to be able to concieve...it's nature's way. Unfortunately, there are also 'glitches' in nature as well. Some are able to overcome this with enough tries and some are not. Fortunatly we are lucky to have science on our side as humans. We can many times change our destiny.

    I hope that you are able to have that talk with your hubby. He needs to be able to be honest with what is really bothering him.

    I also think that ICSI and possibly PGD is a good possibility for you. It would give you a good chance for fertilization and the PGD would weed out any abnormal embryos that could miscarry or have problems. Do some research. I think you will be able to show hubby there are possibilities out there for you.

    All the best, Alissa