8 comments
  1. He sounds very afraid, yes? Unfortunately, this is one thing that doesn't have a compromise. If you accept his way, will you resent him? If he gives in, it sounds like he's preparing to be a coward and leave you alone with a baby. (Sorry, I don't know him but I'm pissed on your behalf right now.) Was he about to leave when you found out about your pregnancy?
    My heart hurts for you. Thinking about you today. ((((Hugs))))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's terrified of not being able to handle it. With my surprise pregnancy last year, he did have thoughts of wondering if he could handle it. He was so freaked out, but I stupidly thought that we had worked through all of this stuff last year. So by having a situation where it was more planned, it would give us plenty of time to come to terms with our fears before we start IVF.

      Delete
  2. Maybe couples counseling with someone who specializes in infertility? I think the biggest issues is you two not being on the same page. Especially with your list of possible so senerios. You definitely don't want to go into ivf with this much doubt and difference. I am really thinking about you and my heart hurts for you. Keep trying to work through this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Toni. Last year he did come along with my to my psychologist. But only once. The Psychologist tried to get him to open up about his fears, and he found that really difficult to express.

      I feel so stupid now for thinking that we were on track to start IVF mid-2012. I feel like I'm in that movie 'Groundhog Day'. Nothing has changed. All the "progress" I thought we had made in our relationship is bullshit. I'm sitting here thinking if I should start looking for a new place to live :-(

      Delete
  3. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Since I'm having a hard time coming up with words, I'm going to second what Toni said since it's pretty much what I was thinking too. I think something this big is better to start trying to fix early on, rather than letting it fester and get worse to where it causes damage beyond repair. My heart goes out to you both.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks meg. I think that it had started to heal, but the scab has just been ripped off and the wound is in full flow again. Maybe I really should just pack up and go, as I can't take this much pain anymore. Marriage is meant to be a partnership, and this is not that at all.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Ali, thanks for stopping by my blog.

    I am sorry to hear that you are in such a tough place. I was in a similar place as you this time last year, so I know how hard it is when you love somebody but they are not 100% on board. Like you I believe that marriage is a partnership, and each person should be willing to meet the other halfway. Please trust your instincts and your gut. I wish you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I would definitely recommend some counselling for you both. It was not until we had our pre-IVF counselling that hub and I were even remotely on the same page. I really really hope that you get through this. It sounds like you both love each other so much. I am sure that this love will win over in the end.

    ReplyDelete