Three days until the official results are in. But who's counting? I have a confession to make... I caved in and bought a pregnancy test yesterday. BUT, as soon as I got home and looked at it, a sense of calmness (and/or guilt) crept over me. I was never the kind of child to search through the cupboards to sneak a look at my Christmas presents, even though I knew exactly where they were 'hidden'. I respected the process and enjoyed the excitement of waiting until Christmas morning when 'Santa' had delivered them. So that's where I'm at with the whole testing early thing... I have come this far and followed the instructions and respected the process of this whole IVF cycle, and I think it'll be far better for me to handle the news on Friday when I hear it from the Doctor or nurse.
I am getting mentally prepared for a negative result. This new calmness has enabled me to think that I will be able to accept a failed cycle ok. It'll be shitty that I've just been put through all of this hormonal hell over the past 28 days for nothing, but it will be ok. Nobody has been hurt. It is not the end. There are still 2 frozen embryos that might one day become our child, and that makes me feel more relaxed. I needed to find this peace within me before I get the results. Partly because I think our family/ close friends who know about us attempting IVF are all probably holding their collective breath, waiting for me to fall apart if this all goes to shit. I am making a promise to myself that I won't do that. I'll accept it, find out what possibly could be done better, and eventually regroup enough courage to give it another go. But firstly, Chop and I will be pouring ourselves a few glasses of red wine on Friday night and decompressing, if the news is not good. However, if we do get a positive result, I'll be watching Chop drinking those glasses of red, while I happily sip on a water!
So, to keep up with the documentation of our first ICSI cycle; I'm now 7 days past the 5-day transfer (or CD26 or 12DPO). The only things to report today are: night sweats last night, crazy dreams, slight dizziness and nausea a couple of times this morning, bleeding/swollen gums (which is driving me crazy), frequent urination (peeing every 40-60 minutes during the day and 3 times a night), very sore boobs, and I had a headache come and go throughout the day. Not one single cramp in my belly!! I know that sounds like I had a lot of 'complaints' today, but I have to say that this has probably been the most comfortable day I've had since Transfer on 10th July.
In other news, today was the first day I felt like attempting exercise, so we did a session with our PT in the gym. I'm now completely shattered, but very happy for making the effort. We also received our ($5,514.00) Medicare rebate for ICSI today. YAY!
If you missed yesterday's post, you can catch up here: 6dp5dt. Tomorrow's update is here: 8dp5dt.
Full Summary of this IVF/ICSI cycle can be found on the above tab - IVF.
I am getting mentally prepared for a negative result. This new calmness has enabled me to think that I will be able to accept a failed cycle ok. It'll be shitty that I've just been put through all of this hormonal hell over the past 28 days for nothing, but it will be ok. Nobody has been hurt. It is not the end. There are still 2 frozen embryos that might one day become our child, and that makes me feel more relaxed. I needed to find this peace within me before I get the results. Partly because I think our family/ close friends who know about us attempting IVF are all probably holding their collective breath, waiting for me to fall apart if this all goes to shit. I am making a promise to myself that I won't do that. I'll accept it, find out what possibly could be done better, and eventually regroup enough courage to give it another go. But firstly, Chop and I will be pouring ourselves a few glasses of red wine on Friday night and decompressing, if the news is not good. However, if we do get a positive result, I'll be watching Chop drinking those glasses of red, while I happily sip on a water!
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17th July 2012 Calm :-) |
In other news, today was the first day I felt like attempting exercise, so we did a session with our PT in the gym. I'm now completely shattered, but very happy for making the effort. We also received our ($5,514.00) Medicare rebate for ICSI today. YAY!
If you missed yesterday's post, you can catch up here: 6dp5dt. Tomorrow's update is here: 8dp5dt.
Full Summary of this IVF/ICSI cycle can be found on the above tab - IVF.
I'm glad you're feeling better, and no, those don't sounds like a list of complaints to me. Actually, it sounds like you haven't been over-analyzing every little thing that changes with your body - which is so hard not to do! You have been an amazingly poised IVFer :) Fingers crossed for Friday!!!!
ReplyDeleteOnly a few more days and you will know for sure. I can say that the bleeding gums arent being caused by the progesterone though. I am sticking with my guts on this one and saying you will get a bfp!
ReplyDeleteYou have amazing self-control! I would have peed on that stick as soon as I got home. :)
ReplyDeleteI think you've got a great attitude about the possible outcomes on Friday, but I hope you won't beat yourself up if it comes back negative and you DO have a breakdown over it. It's perfectly ok to be sad and disappointed. That being said, I'm keeping all my fingers crossed that you get the happiest possible result!
well
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