So this morning, the only symptoms I've had were sore BBs (still), bleeding/swollen gums when I cleaned my teeth and the cramping. I was feeling super energetic until about 2pm, and then everything changed, when I became extremely tired and began feeling pretty rotten. It's now 5pm, and I've come home from work and got straight into my pyjamas because I just feel yuck. It's kind of nausea, but also a kind of dizzy feeling, and I'm burping non-stop. Anyway, it's not very pleasant and i'm glad to be home and comfy on the couch.
I'm VERY nervous about tomorrow! But I'm totally at ease with waiting for the results on the phone. For some reason, I just can't bear to see another BFN on a home pregnancy test. This is obviously our first attempt at IVF, and I'm pretty inexperienced with all of the hormones and symptoms that I've been having, but I think because the stakes are so much higher with IVF, it becomes way more intense when the results are imminent.
I haven't let myself think beyond tomorrow's BETA results. Chop and I have planned a night out together tomorrow to celebrate the end of a little chapter (our first IVF). It's been such a roller-coaster of the past 2 months, with Chop's mother dying and then us going straight into our IVF cycle as soon as we got home from Perth, so we feel it's important to go out and begin planning the future again. My mind has been so pre-occupied with taking every day as it comes throughout this cycle, that I haven't even been able to think beyond "result day". It's Chop's birthday in 2 weeks and I haven't planned anything for him yet! After I get those results tomorrow, I can hopefully free my mind to actually function in a normal reality involving other humans.
So on that note, I better write a little bit about my thoughts or expectations of tomorrow. I have some friends and family who read this blog, and I ask you to please respect our news tomorrow and not share it with anyone. There are only a handful of friends/family who are aware of us attempting IVF, and I would prefer not to make the news public until we eventually have a pregnancy make it past 12 weeks. So if it fails, I would prefer not to have that failure discussed with others. If it has worked, then I especially hope that you'll respect our wishes to keep this information private. As you all know, it's not just the 'getting' pregnant part that is a challenge with us, it's also the 'staying' pregnant part. That miscarriage last year completely messed us both up, and you can probably imagine that news of another pregnancy will only come with nervousness and fear of being able to make it through that first trimester. I truly value the support and love I've been receiving throughout this IVF cycle (both via my blog and in my real life), so regardless of the results - I am still going to need you all!
Chop is working at something important tomorrow and he won't be contactable until late afternoon, so I've been thinking about how to give him the news. I don't want to tell him on the phone, so even if he calls me I might just have to dodge his call and wait til he gets home. Is that cruel? And I also don't want to tell anyone else the news until I've broken it to him. So sorry ladies, my blog post tomorrow might not get posted for another 24 hours from now (no early news stories for you)! That being said, I'll probably have it written before he gets home, and then as soon as I've given him the news I'll jump online and hit Publish!
I've got my game face on and am totally ready to meet our fate with this cycle tomorrow!