The alarm went off bright n early at 5:30am today so i could get myself organised and get to my ultrasound appointment by 7am. I wasn't expecting too much from this scan, as I'd had a 9 day period, and am still experiencing some weird spotting. Silly body! Anyway, the scan showed a lot more follicle activity developing on my right ovary, but not much on the left. The technician typed in R/O 27, 9 and L/O 2. I don't really know what those numbers mean, but from looking at the screen I could see more black dots on the Right Ovary and she had to struggle to see even one on the Left Ovary. This is similar to what happened during my stimulated IVF cycle prior to egg collection in July. It's also given further confirmation that my dermoid cyst removal from my left ovary in June 2011, must have caused some kind of damage or disruption to this ovary. Whatevs as long as I can still ovulate and have some kind of regularity with my cycles, there's no reason why that would affect my ability to carry a baby.
After the scan, I went in and saw a nurse who told me that I'll need to come back for another scan on Saturday. They like to see my numbers get up to 14 before the blood tests begin to help predict ovulation. Again, I'm not really sure what that means, but I wasn't surprised at all that there's nothing really to report today. I'm just happy to get the ball rolling again for this cycle! When I get to speak to my regular IVF nurse, I'll ask her to explain the number thing (I have a bad habit of nodding and accepting information, then thinking of all these questions later!).
Yesterday I was a bit down about this cycle. The fear of failing again got the better of me. I just read some upsetting blog posts from two of my bloggy-friends who were riding a horror roller-coaster of emotions. Toni thought she was experiencing a chemical pregnancy on this, her final attempt at assisted reproduction (positive HPTs followed by a blank HPT); and Sometimes just had her first scan at 9 weeks pregnant, and the baby had no heartbeat. My eyes filled with tears as I read these blog posts. It's just so unfair! Why do we put ourselves through this heartache? I got really nervous about building the strength up again to get through another failure. We all seem to hope that this time might be our chance to beat the odds and be one of the lucky ones who get to carry a pregnancy through to full term. I suppose that hope is what keeps us going back for another try... Anyway, I was thrilled to read today on Toni's blog, that she was wrong - she is in fact pregnant. If you get time, click over to their blogs and give these ladies some support.
One of my clients who I hadn't seen for many months came in to see me at work today. We were happily chatting away and then she had a thoughtful pause before saying "you recently had a baby didn't you?". OUCH. I remembered talking to her last year after having some time off when I miscarried my first pregnancy, and I thought to myself that she must be thinking of that. So I replied "no, I lost a baby last year, and then had another miscarriage a couple of months ago". She wanted to swallow her foot I'm sure. But then she said that it took her 7 years to get pregnant, and she too had been through 2 miscarriages but now has 2 beautiful daughters. She told me to never give up. She told me how her miscarriages had affected her so badly that her desire to have a child caused some serious strain on her marriage, and that I should try not to let that happen to me. I just nodded. I didn't want to tell her that we're in the midst of IVF; and that our marriage almost ended earlier this year because of this baby issue. I know Chop is still very concerned about how I will cope if we reach our limit of IVF attempts and still have no baby. The prospect of this is very scary. I can't think of that now. That may sound dismissive, but seriously I don't want to live my life preparing for dreams to be crushed. I'd rather be hopeful for the future, than be prepared for doom.
I'll close this post off on a lighter note, and show you some pics of a couple of new pieces of furniture for our place. Chop and I are FINALLY starting to develop some ideas of what style we want in our home. Does that mean we're finally growing up?
After the scan, I went in and saw a nurse who told me that I'll need to come back for another scan on Saturday. They like to see my numbers get up to 14 before the blood tests begin to help predict ovulation. Again, I'm not really sure what that means, but I wasn't surprised at all that there's nothing really to report today. I'm just happy to get the ball rolling again for this cycle! When I get to speak to my regular IVF nurse, I'll ask her to explain the number thing (I have a bad habit of nodding and accepting information, then thinking of all these questions later!).
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| Each new cycle brings a multitude of forms to complete |
One of my clients who I hadn't seen for many months came in to see me at work today. We were happily chatting away and then she had a thoughtful pause before saying "you recently had a baby didn't you?". OUCH. I remembered talking to her last year after having some time off when I miscarried my first pregnancy, and I thought to myself that she must be thinking of that. So I replied "no, I lost a baby last year, and then had another miscarriage a couple of months ago". She wanted to swallow her foot I'm sure. But then she said that it took her 7 years to get pregnant, and she too had been through 2 miscarriages but now has 2 beautiful daughters. She told me to never give up. She told me how her miscarriages had affected her so badly that her desire to have a child caused some serious strain on her marriage, and that I should try not to let that happen to me. I just nodded. I didn't want to tell her that we're in the midst of IVF; and that our marriage almost ended earlier this year because of this baby issue. I know Chop is still very concerned about how I will cope if we reach our limit of IVF attempts and still have no baby. The prospect of this is very scary. I can't think of that now. That may sound dismissive, but seriously I don't want to live my life preparing for dreams to be crushed. I'd rather be hopeful for the future, than be prepared for doom.
I'll close this post off on a lighter note, and show you some pics of a couple of new pieces of furniture for our place. Chop and I are FINALLY starting to develop some ideas of what style we want in our home. Does that mean we're finally growing up?
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| New yellow stool as a pot-plant stand |
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| Charcoal Egg Chair. Lili just tried to sneak up on Dutch and then fled the scene |
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| Dutch has claimed this as HIS chair. |
Such a cute kitty!! Thinking of you and wishing you all the best!!
ReplyDeleteYou are only the second person I know that has went through a natural FET. The other person is currently pregnant. In fact most of the woman on here I follow are pregnant through FET. So excited for you and Chop.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the mention in your post this morning, that means a lot to me :)
Love the furniture, especially the kitty sitting on the chair :)
I don't think the fear of failure ever goes away, but like your friend said, keep your hope. Best of luck with the FET...sending positive vibes!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm hanging on to lots and lots of hope for you and this FET!
ReplyDeleteLove the new furniture. I covet that chair. (And your cat is very beautiful). :)
I'm so sorry your client said that to you about having a baby recently. I can just imagine how I would feel, and it would not be very good. Sounds like you handled it well though. I'm always excited for bloggers who are able to be straight with someone who says something like that and not just brush it aside. I'm all for educating the general public - unless of course I find out they have been through IF themselves and already know all about it.
ReplyDeleteI hope everything goes perfectly this cycle and that you don't have to think about all the fears anymore.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. I know what it feels like to fear another failure. It's our mind's way of mentally preparing for all possibilities. Well done for putting the fear aside and staying hopeful. Try to do this every day and just live for today - 1 day at a time. So glad you are decorating and being creative... this will help you through too!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to stay positive all the time. I hope they let you know what's going on with this cycle soon. Also, Dutch is beautiful. Is he a talker? We used to have a part Siamese who was very opinionated and loud about it :)
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