Only 2 more days until my beta, and I've been feeling relatively good today. A certain calmness has come over me as I prepare for the result on Friday. There's no way I'm doing an at home pregnancy test now, whatever will be will be and I don't have much longer to wait. I told Chop last night that I think it's going to be a negative or another chemical pregnancy. My symptoms have lessened in the last few days (although I am still peeing every hour). And like I mentioned the other day, the last 2 times I was pregnant my main complaint was that my BBs were so sore. This cycle, they're still tender, but not enlarged or sore. This is the main thing that leads me to believe that I'm about to face some bad news on Friday.
So how will I handle it if I get bad news? I honestly have no idea. I've already had thoughts about how I might be an embryo repellant. My body has rejected my only two pregnancies, and maybe even this third one. It's so upsetting to think that some little embryos have fought to survive, implanted themselves in my uterus, made themselves comfy, only to discover that this place ain't so great after all. Bye bye baby. If I get a bad result from this cycle, I'll see what further tests can be done to find out why I keep rejecting embryos. And here we were thinking that we only needed to deal with Male Factor Infertility... I'm scared that I have some unexplained underlying cause for not being able to progress a pregnancy.
Infertility sucks! For so many years we take it for granted. So many years of birth control.... We don't acknowledge the importance of something until it's taken away. It's like how when you cut a finger, you don't realise how essential that finger is to your everyday life until you have to bandage it up and not use it. Anyway, I've gone off on this tangent which sounds more somber than my mood today really is. Tomorrow morning I'll wake up and be able to say "it's tomorrow!". I'm ready to move on to the next step, whatever that may be.
Full Summary of this ICSI/FET Cycle can be found at above Tab: FET#1: Sept/Oct '12
So how will I handle it if I get bad news? I honestly have no idea. I've already had thoughts about how I might be an embryo repellant. My body has rejected my only two pregnancies, and maybe even this third one. It's so upsetting to think that some little embryos have fought to survive, implanted themselves in my uterus, made themselves comfy, only to discover that this place ain't so great after all. Bye bye baby. If I get a bad result from this cycle, I'll see what further tests can be done to find out why I keep rejecting embryos. And here we were thinking that we only needed to deal with Male Factor Infertility... I'm scared that I have some unexplained underlying cause for not being able to progress a pregnancy.
Infertility sucks! For so many years we take it for granted. So many years of birth control.... We don't acknowledge the importance of something until it's taken away. It's like how when you cut a finger, you don't realise how essential that finger is to your everyday life until you have to bandage it up and not use it. Anyway, I've gone off on this tangent which sounds more somber than my mood today really is. Tomorrow morning I'll wake up and be able to say "it's tomorrow!". I'm ready to move on to the next step, whatever that may be.
Full Summary of this ICSI/FET Cycle can be found at above Tab: FET#1: Sept/Oct '12
You've done so well to get this far with no cheating. You're almost there! Whatever happens, we're here to support you.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, just huge hugs. I am on tenterhooks for Friday.
ReplyDeleteI understand the boob thing....my boobs ached later this time, i just told myself they had already gotten used to the stretchy.....very stupid. Thinking of you for Friday.
ReplyDeleteWe will all be here for you no matter what happens. Wishing I could give you a big hug! I'm still holding onto hope for you.
ReplyDeleteSupporting you no matter what the outcome. I know you're ready to hear results about this cycle, because I am too! At least you've already posted on your blog each day by the time I wake up in Alabama! =)
ReplyDeleteAli you are doing a great job under the circumstances of fertility meds and treatment. Also not testing, you are one strong lady! I want this to work for you so badly. Sitting here trying to wait patiently for that darn beta!
ReplyDeleteWishing you a beautiful beta on Friday!
ReplyDeleteI am impressed at your will power, I usually cave by 12DPO. Wishing you all the best for your beta.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're feeling more calm and relaxed today. I went through periods of complete impatience and other times of feeling more at peace with whatever the outcome was going to be. The 2WW is definitely the biggest high and the biggest low of the IF rollercoaster. And now I'm impatient again waiting for your results! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteGood luck tomorrow Ali! I'm not feeling too "positive" about my results either. I've felt nothing for days now :( Leigh
ReplyDeletepraying for you!!!!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today!
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog for about a week now. I sincerely hope that you get your BFP tomorrow. I had my retrieval yesterday and I am going through it right along side of you. You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! I'm praying that everything else goes fantastically perfect for you!
ReplyDelete