Thanks for all of the comments and texts I've received following my dark day yesterday. I've talked myself into finding some inner strength and have been calmer today. I know it sounds like I'm a crazy person, but I cannot believe the roller coaster of emotions that I've been on this cycle. Yesterday I became some kind of demon. I think that I've had more 'ok' days than 'bad' days in the last month. But only barely.
As I tried to pick my miserable face up off the floor this morning in order to leave for work, Chop said to me that he wants his wife back. He doesn't know who I am anymore. He then said that if this cycle fails, then he doesn't want to try again with our final frozen embryo, because it's just been so physically and mentally hard for me (and consequently him). Of course this comment brought tears running down my cheeks again as I walked to work. It also made me feel even more pressure than I was already trying to deal with in this 2ww. I didn't have the energy to argue, I just left for work.
But perhaps this comment made me try harder to be stronger today. We're so close to finding out the result, and I know that I can get through the next few days. Anyway, I had plenty of stuff going on at work today, which helped me focus on something other than how shit and achey I was feeling.
Don't ask me why I lost it yesterday, and why today I was calmer. The only explanation is that my hormones are running this ship, and I'm just a passenger.
3 days until beta.
Full Summary of this ICSI/FET Cycle can be found at above Tab: FET#1: Sept/Oct '12
As I tried to pick my miserable face up off the floor this morning in order to leave for work, Chop said to me that he wants his wife back. He doesn't know who I am anymore. He then said that if this cycle fails, then he doesn't want to try again with our final frozen embryo, because it's just been so physically and mentally hard for me (and consequently him). Of course this comment brought tears running down my cheeks again as I walked to work. It also made me feel even more pressure than I was already trying to deal with in this 2ww. I didn't have the energy to argue, I just left for work.
But perhaps this comment made me try harder to be stronger today. We're so close to finding out the result, and I know that I can get through the next few days. Anyway, I had plenty of stuff going on at work today, which helped me focus on something other than how shit and achey I was feeling.
Don't ask me why I lost it yesterday, and why today I was calmer. The only explanation is that my hormones are running this ship, and I'm just a passenger.
3 days until beta.
Full Summary of this ICSI/FET Cycle can be found at above Tab: FET#1: Sept/Oct '12
Totally hormones. They get the best of us, don't you worry about that. I was dark yesterday, but back to myself today - so we just have to keep on swimming. Big hugs to you both. x
ReplyDeleteWomen's hormones suck. I had pretty much an identical conversation with my husband tonight after I cried for no reason. Why can't men feel the same things we do?
ReplyDeleteGlad you are feeling better today. I'm still hoping for you that the results are good
It is the hormones. These hormones stink major. You think we'd have enough to deal with the whole infertile thing. The hormone thing is just another punch in the gut. Thinking about you and praying so hard that this is the cycle to bring you a take home baby! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteHormones do a number to us. But, I think I would not say it is the luck of the draw with the way your feeling today compared to yesterday. I would say to yourself that you have chosen to take control of your emotions today and not let this thing define you. You get to decide how you deal with the way your feeling. You saw your husband's concern, you recognized your own concerns, and you made it a point to do things differently. Give yourself credit for that! Nobody is born with the know-how to deal with infertility. We have to learn it as we go and you're doing the best that you can :)
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The suspense is seriously killing me here... Also, hormones make us think and act crazy sometimes. Only three more days!
ReplyDeleteHang in there. The 2ww sucks :( But you're right. You can do this!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some really awesome words of wisdom or maybe a magic trick for making it through the rest of your 2WW while keeping your sanity in check. But alas, I'm not wise and my magic ran out a long time ago...probably around the time I started TTC about 8 years ago. I just tried to stay busy, which was impossible, because I couldn't focus on my work if my life depended on it. The only thing that really helped me was having my beta moved up one day. But I know not everyone has that option.
ReplyDeleteBig HUGS to you. And I hope your hubby remembers not to say those kinds of things to you during your 2WW. He should know it only adds to the torture!
Hormones do a real number on me, too, and it really scares my husband.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping and praying that you get your sticky bean from this cycle to make all of this worth it. *hugs*
Just three days, gosh, I am hoping so hard for you. I have been thinking of you my dear and I still have every conceivable thing crossed for you x x x
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