Yesterday emotions were running high. I seem to be able to cry at the drop of a hat these days! I read a blog about someone who had lost their mother. The author remembered the last Mother's Day he spent with his Mum, and how hard it was to choose her a present that year because he knew it would be her last. This blog post totally tore me up inside. It was such a fresh reminder of losing my MIL last June, and how Chop and I went through the exact same experience of trying to choose her a present for Mother's Day. I remember thinking how ridiculous any gift seemed. All we wanted was time. It turned out she only lived another 4 weeks, and I don't think she ever even had a chance to enjoy the gift we bought her, as the cancer progressed rapidly. I couldn't stop crying about it when I was on my way home from work. It took me ages to be able to pull it together enough to explain to Chop why I was crying. He's already been a bit down as the date creeps closer, so my talking about it gave him a chance to at least open up about how he's been feeling too.
This will be the 10th Mother's Day without my own Mum. I lived in a the UK for a few years before she passed away, so I don't even remember the last Mother's Day we spent together. This makes me sad. I do remember one of the last gifts I bought her though. At the time I had no idea that she was as sick as she actually was, and that it would be only about 8 more weeks until she lost her battle with cancer. I was in Prague, 24 years old, having a great time with friends, enjoying the Christmas markets and the snow. I found these beautiful small white porcelain statues of a mother and child. They were quite expensive, but I felt I couldn't walk away from them. I ended up buying two because I couldn't decide which pose I liked better, and I knew my sister would love one of them too. It was a massive effort for me to be able to get those two statues back to Australia in one piece (especially since I was just a backpacker at the time). But somehow I did it. My Mum loved the gift. She loved that I had given her something so meaningful without even realising that it would be the last gift I ever bought her.
Both of those statues have been sitting in my sister's house for the past 10 years. The two of them complement each other perfectly. Recently my sister told me that she would bring Mum's statue to Melbourne for me to keep, since I'm about to become a Mum too. Whenever I think of this I get so emotional! It's lovely and so meaningful.
Anyway, my emotions are on some kind of overdrive at the moment. I'm not sleeping that great, and the tiredness really affects my days. I had one shitty morning today where nothing seemed to go right. From lining up for 30 minutes to get some things printed and being told that I should've saved my document as a PDF so the font wouldn't change (therefore I couldn't print what I needed); to having a rude driver steal the car park that I was trying to reverse into (causing me to abort the whole shopping mission and drive home fighting back tears); to wanting to cheer myself up by buying a fruit + custard tart at the bakery near my home and discovering that I was 40c short of cash, so I got my card out to pay and the girl told me there was a $10 minimum purchase to use a card.... fighting back more tears I had to tell her to put it back and I walked out without my 'cheer up treat'.
This whole morning, on top of all those ridiculous set-backs, I felt like crap. Baby has been moving almost non-stop today, getting up under my ribs and wriggling around like crazy. I've also had a lot of cramping, which I've not really experienced at all during the pregnancy before. It feels like period cramps, and has been fairly constant all day. I had a little snooze in the afternoon to try and shake off the yucky feeling, but it's still there this evening.
Here's hoping that tomorrow is a better day! It's Mother's Day after all! Wishing all the Mum's and Mum-to-be's out there a happy day with family. Enjoy the special time together x
Don't miss a post - sign up here for updates delivered to your Inbox.
This will be the 10th Mother's Day without my own Mum. I lived in a the UK for a few years before she passed away, so I don't even remember the last Mother's Day we spent together. This makes me sad. I do remember one of the last gifts I bought her though. At the time I had no idea that she was as sick as she actually was, and that it would be only about 8 more weeks until she lost her battle with cancer. I was in Prague, 24 years old, having a great time with friends, enjoying the Christmas markets and the snow. I found these beautiful small white porcelain statues of a mother and child. They were quite expensive, but I felt I couldn't walk away from them. I ended up buying two because I couldn't decide which pose I liked better, and I knew my sister would love one of them too. It was a massive effort for me to be able to get those two statues back to Australia in one piece (especially since I was just a backpacker at the time). But somehow I did it. My Mum loved the gift. She loved that I had given her something so meaningful without even realising that it would be the last gift I ever bought her.
Both of those statues have been sitting in my sister's house for the past 10 years. The two of them complement each other perfectly. Recently my sister told me that she would bring Mum's statue to Melbourne for me to keep, since I'm about to become a Mum too. Whenever I think of this I get so emotional! It's lovely and so meaningful.
Anyway, my emotions are on some kind of overdrive at the moment. I'm not sleeping that great, and the tiredness really affects my days. I had one shitty morning today where nothing seemed to go right. From lining up for 30 minutes to get some things printed and being told that I should've saved my document as a PDF so the font wouldn't change (therefore I couldn't print what I needed); to having a rude driver steal the car park that I was trying to reverse into (causing me to abort the whole shopping mission and drive home fighting back tears); to wanting to cheer myself up by buying a fruit + custard tart at the bakery near my home and discovering that I was 40c short of cash, so I got my card out to pay and the girl told me there was a $10 minimum purchase to use a card.... fighting back more tears I had to tell her to put it back and I walked out without my 'cheer up treat'.
This whole morning, on top of all those ridiculous set-backs, I felt like crap. Baby has been moving almost non-stop today, getting up under my ribs and wriggling around like crazy. I've also had a lot of cramping, which I've not really experienced at all during the pregnancy before. It feels like period cramps, and has been fairly constant all day. I had a little snooze in the afternoon to try and shake off the yucky feeling, but it's still there this evening.
Here's hoping that tomorrow is a better day! It's Mother's Day after all! Wishing all the Mum's and Mum-to-be's out there a happy day with family. Enjoy the special time together x
Don't miss a post - sign up here for updates delivered to your Inbox.
0 comments